Deep Thoughts from Vacation....on Poverty and Simple Living

When we arrived in Dangriga and boarded our van that drove us through the small town to our boat launch, Tracy and I were floored by what looked to us as poverty.

This picture doesn't even begin to describe to you what we saw people living in.  This little house looks AMAZING compared to the other ones we saw along this trip.

People live in these without power, without air conditioning in a hot and humid country.  Along the roads we saw bicycles with 3 people on them (and they weren't tandem or tag-along bikes). We saw motorcycles with the same amount of people on them.  They rode them on the major high way sharing them with all the other vehicles.  We saw school buses (public transportation) with people hanging out the door because it was so full.  When I asked our van driver (who just got off that bus) how many people were in there, he said about 75.  It only seats 30!  Crazy!

We saw little kids standing by the side of the highway who would rush up to our bus/van when they saw us coming.  They had bags filled with little fruits they were trying to sell.  I so wanted to stop and buy some from them.  They certainly needed the money more than I did.

On the flights here, I just finished reading Saved by Ben Hewitt and am currently reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Both of these books talk about learning to live simply (over simplifying what they are deeply about).  But it struck me that these were the perfect books to be reading as I am on a luxurious vacation where my little part of the island is perfectly groomed, the food is amazing, and the luxuries I get to experience are beyond what most of these people living in these little shacks can even begin to comprehend. Yet, I look at the smiles on their faces.  I see them swinging in their hammocks. I see the children OUTSIDE playing soccer or riding their bikes or just playing chase.  I see whole families OUTSIDE together being together.  A life of "poverty" maybe, but it is a simple life and they appear to be happy.  Maybe because they do not know any thing different?  They just simply live.

I found myself often wondering, what do these people do to make money for food and necessities?  From what I could see, there were 3 factories "in the area", several resorts that the bus could take them to, little stores and restaurants (but even the bigger stores were owned by Chinese people).  So they are factory workers, in the service industry and possibly farming. But the biggest farming is done by the Mennonites who are also the richest people in the country.

Some of the employees at the resort talked about the growth that has happened in this area in the last 10 years and the opportunities it is providing for them.  They also talked about their little villages of 300 people and how everyone knows every one's business.  But this husband and wife who work at the island live on the island (together) for 3 weeks on and 1 week off while the grandma watches their child.  I can't imagine both Tracy and I being away from our children for that long in order to support our family, but I never saw these 2 NOT smile.  They were so grateful.

Tracy and I often had a conversation about the classification of Belize.  Is it a 3rd world country?  It's been a while since we have studied anything like this.  "What classifies a country as 1st world or 3rd world?  Is there a 2nd world?"  We asked some of our Island Family these questions and we were all kinda stumped.  We kinda decided that it must be a "developing country".  I suppose. Maybe.  The other thing that prompted this conversation was the amount of mission trip kids we saw in the air ports. Mind you, this is where Tracy went for his mission trip 25 years ago, and kids are STILL coming to help out.  So when we got stateside, we looked up the classification for 1st, 2nd, 3rd world countries.  Belize is classified as a 3rd World Country and shares the classification as the 3rd Least Developed Country classification with several other countries.   But 3rd World Country has nothing to do with finances; it is based on a relationship (or not) with NATO. NATO partners are 1st World.  Communist Countries were 2nd world.  And anyone else left were 3rd World including Switzerland.  So "world rankings" mean nothing.  We really had to look at the state of development, and that is where we saw the poverty.

Anyway, it really struck Tracy and I.  Yes, we count ourselves very blessed on a daily basis.  We have an amazing life with each other.  We love each other deeply.  We have beautiful and healthy children.  We live in a nice home.  We drive cars/motorcycles that we like.  We have more luxuries than many people...not as much as some..but more than many.  We live in America, that may not be perfect, but the opportunities for life's health and comfort are readily available.  But once we were in Belize on this amazing luxurious vacation, but off the island and surrounded by poverty (but safely kept in our vans/buses) it really struck us.  We are so very blessed and almost embarrassingly so (when compared to those living in these shacks).  But at the same time, I saw the FREEDOM and BLESSINGS these people had by not having the material en-trappings of what we  have here in the states.  It was beautiful to see. What a beautiful paradox and enlightening experience.  What perfect timing with the books I am reading.  What a great lesson to be part of!  So very grateful!

Oyee!!!! Completed my 400 Mile Spring Ride Bike Adventure, in the summer as a Virtual Rider!

Life has a funny way of showing us that the path we are on is the wrong path, and there is a better way to get to your destination, even if it seems its rather out-of-the-way and a complete bummer!  That is what The Spring Ride has been like for me.  One "detour" after another.  One challenge after another.  But I am happy to say, that today, June 18, 2013, I finally completed my 400 miles plus some bonus miles!

This journey is not at all what I had expected.  I totally expected to raise awareness and money for The Fuller Center, train to ride 400 miles, travel to Nashville, TN, and ride the 400 miles with a team to Jackson, MS and then fly to my mom's in Florida afterwards.  Yes.  It was neatly planned complete with plane tickets purchased and money raised.  I was ready!  

The only hang-up?  How do you train in Boise, Idaho for a 400 mile ride that will take place in March?  Winter time here means snow and ice.  Finally there was a break in the snow and ice.  Everything had melted and dried up.  Then we got a fresh dusty snow which I thought would be safe to ride on.  I headed out to the greenbelt to ride.  It was a bit slick in the bumpy areas (I really wish the city would fix those areas, my saddle would appreciate that!)  But when it was flat, the dry powdery snow just flew off my tires.  It was great.  That is until, my tires found a sheet of ice.  I was down in an instant and bashed my helmet clad head on the pavement.  The next thing I remember was laughing and making sure no one saw me fall.  Then I felt the headache and I knew I had a concussion.  I got up.  Took a picture of where I fell (isn't that what YOU would do?) and for a moment thought about continuing on with my ride.  But the Nausea was kicking in.  I decided to ride my bike back the mile and a half to my car.

I didn't go to the doctor cause I knew what they would say. "Rest and don't fall asleep unattended for 24 hours"  So my husband checked on me all day long over the computer.  However, the next day the headache and nausea were still really bad. I was dizzy.  My speech was slurred.  I could not process thoughts.  I had no short term memory; for that matter even my long term memory was having issues.  I had loss of fine motor skills.  I could not ride in the car without being nauseous.  I could not listen to music without getting nauseous.  I could not follow a plot line on TV to save my life.    All I wanted to do was sleep.  A week later, I was still having issues.  Back to the doctor I went.  I made it very clear to him that I had a Spring Ride to do is 6 weeks weeks and I NEEDED to be better!  He referred me to the Brain Injury Clinic.  It took them 3 weeks to get me in.  

My first day at the Brain Injury Clinic I made it clear to them that I HAD to be better in 3 weeks!  They did not look very convinced.  They did some testing on me.  I saw a speech pathologist for my speech and processing.  I saw a hearing and balance doctor for my balance and dizziness issues and I saw a physical therapist for the heavy head feeling.  I also had a special head injury doctor who over saw all of this and put me on special meds for the concussion induced insomnia.  A week after seeing these doctors, I had a really bad episode of concussion induced insomnia and I passed out and fell backwards slamming my head against the floor.  That was when I knew the ride was over.  I went to the doctor that day.  She confirmed.  Not only was I not going to be able to do the Ride but the traveling was out of the question all together.  I was not allowed to go to Florida to see my mom and kids.  I understood.  This concussion was not something to take lightly or something that I could wish away.  As it was, I couldn't even drive myself or go to the grocery store or follow recipe instructions.  My brain was completely scrambled.  All activity was put on hold.  No running.  No walking.  No cycling.  No dancing.  We had to get this all under control.

As it turned out, the day after we decided I could not do the ride or travel, my mom (in Florida) shattered her hip and needed a hip replacement.  I HAD to travel, but I was giving it another week and a half before I travelled and I had to  have wheelchairs take me through security and to my gates since my brain could not process these things well enough yet.  

While in Florida, I was able to start the "return to sport protocol" which means walking/running again.  That felt great.  I was doing my brain exercises and starting to remember things a little bit better.  I was there for 5 weeks.  But once I came home, the symptoms increased and I had emotional amnesia.  I knew my family but had no emotional connection to them.  I also had a personality change and started liking music I previously could not stand.  And I still had short-term memory issues and a hard time counting money (this still continues).

Finally in May, I was cleared to get back on the bike!  I was trail running and riding my bike and loving life.  I was out on a ride with a Fuller Center team mate, Kurt Schneider, one day when he told me I should start my ride in conjunction with the Summer Ride kick off.  I agreed!  A few days later, my husband's Uncle Carl passed away.  I decided to go ahead with the ride.  I rode for 3 straight days before I realized that the early mornings and long days were not conducive to grieving the loss of a loved one.  I needed to take some time off to spend with my husband and help him grieve.  I needed to get things done.  

It is one thing to go away for a ride where there are no family distractions and something completely different to be home planning a 400 mile bike ride where you come home every day and still have to do the mom/wife thing on top of being exhausted and keeping your ride going!  Talk about a challenge.  There was one day that I was so exhausted on the ride that I didn't think I was gong to make it.  I just happened to be near a mountain I had just summited the weekend before.  It was a 14 mile 3500 ft elevation gain trail run.  It was HARD.  I told my girlfriends that I didn't think I would make it, but they cheered me on and I kept going and sure enough I made it!  AMAZING!  It was so hard and so rewarding.  I saw that mountain while I was riding and remembered that if I could do that, anything is possible!  One night I was so exhausted and worn out and doubting that I could do this alone and I was crying on my husband's shoulder.  His response was, "Martha, once you have set your mind to something you have ALWAYS done it!  You've Got this!"  I guess he was right.

Not only did I finish this ride, but I also completed my first Century Ride while doing it!  I have been wanting to do that for a year now!  Not only did I do it, but I felt great afterwards!

Today I completed my 400 (plus) journey with a bittersweet feeling.  What's next?  I just wanted to keep riding.  I took a moment to look over the river and ponder what a change this has made in my life.

I am so grateful to those who have donated to my journey, for the people who have supported me emotionally, and for the physical, mental and emotional strength I have gained from this journey!  I feel so close to the team of riders from the Bike Adventures, yet I have never met them!   I am grateful that I have been able to make a difference in other people's lives both in the Greater Blessing Program as well as inspiring others to do things they have only dreamed of.  Anything is possible!    And it is with that thought that I created the following video from the pictures I took along my journey.  The song in the background is by Gino and it is called "Possible" (a song that played several times during my ride.)

Day 2 Familiar Territory, And Always Beautiful!

Day 2 of my Fuller Center for Housing Bike Adventure took me to the very familiar Boise Greenbelt.  I have run this greenbelt for 2 marathons, 2 half marathons and 1 10K.  I have ridden my bike countless miles on this greenbelt.  I know it like the back of my hand, yet every time I get to play on it, my eyes are filled with wonder and there are always new faces to greet with a smile!

Today is Tuesday and I have a weekly Weight Watcher's weigh in at 11:45.  Granted, sometimes I skip it for important things like a lunch ride with Kurt Schneider. *laugh*  But today I REALLY wanted to go to the weigh in.  So my alarm clock went off at 4:15 and I was on the Greenbelt by 5:15 and it was still dark (but the sun was quickly rising).  With lights on my bike turned on and my own head lamp going, I set off in the dark.

I thought my legs were feeling great until I started riding.  I'm pretty sure they hated me.  And my saddle..we won't even discuss it.  Have I ever mentioned how BUMPY that greenbelt can be???  Ouchies!!!  By the end of 400 miles, I may have permanent damage!  I'm not entirely certain how the summer riders will ride every day for 9 weeks  (Okay, they get rest days...but still!)

My goal today was 40 but then I figured I would just do 50 instead.  It was easy enough.  The first 27 or so were slower than I would have liked 5:30 miles.  I just felt like I was dragging.  My legs were having NONE of it today...well that and I had to avoid the bumps.  Ouch!  Then I happened to ride by a peak that I ALWAYS ride by and never think twice about it.  But today, I rode by it and said, "Hey!  I just summited that peak on Saturday!"  3500 foot elevation gain and it was a relentless up hill climb.  And I thought, "Martha, if you can do THAT, you can do a measly 50 miles on this flat greenbelt!  I just kept peddling.

After my rest break at Sandy Point Beach, my legs were feeling warmed up and ready to rock and even my saddle was finally deciding to shut up and get with the program!  The remainder of the 50 miles was a breeze!  I even got the pace down to 5:01 until the very end where it changed to 5:03. Grrr.    That is okay.  I got to see the Giraffe today over the wall at the zoo and watch as a woman who is just visiting the area smile the biggest smile of joy when she saw him too.  She was so excited.  Yup, Boise, is just that amazing!  In case you want to see them... about 10:30 every morning, just head out to Julia Davis Park and head to the Giraffe habitat and there they will be!  And they are not camera shy!


So ya.. I finished in plenty of time to get home, shower and get to my WW meeting.  But more importantly, I am down 120 miles of the 400!  Only 280 more miles to go!  I got this!

Why did the cyclist cross Hwy 55....... to soak her feet in the river! The 400 Mile Bike Adventure has Begun!

Hey Gang!!!!

Finally, as The Fuller Center Summer Bike Adventure begins, I am starting the 400 mile bike ride I was SUPPOSED to do in March with them!  400 miles in 7 days...that's the goal!

Today was day 1 with the route of doing the Banks Lowman Road back and forth.  70 Miles ....well with some extra miles to make the 70 mile mark.

To be honest, last night I was scared and excited all at the same time.  When I signed up for the Spring Ride, I was suppose to be going with a supported team.  My reality looks completely different.  I am doing these 400 miles completely unsupported and today's route was in a total dead zone for cell coverage.  And I found out, all pay phones for the area were not working either!  Thankfully, I found nice people to let me borrow their cordless phones to check in with Tracy.  (I had to relearn how to use them!)

I did get to visit a historic one room school in Lowman.  It is K-12 with only 5 students who all go at the same time and even has a wood burning stove! So cool!  It also had old fashioned playground equipment that I couldn't resist as I ate my snacks!

I also found out that I am stronger than I thought I was.  This is always good to learn.  This route had an elevation gain of 2441 ft.  Which I guess is not much over 70 miles, but these hills went on forever..long and steady and I just kept peddling.  I had my doubts, but each time, I just kept going!  My legs are stronger than I thought they were!  It was just nice to know that I could do this!  And actually,  having finished this ride at about 4pm and its not 742 pm, my legs are feeling GREAT! (Still grateful that tomorrow's ride will be along the greenbelt and a bit easier to handle :) ).

Over all, I had a fantastic ride in some of the most beautiful country ever!  I have driven this route, I have ridden on the back of the motorcycle, but seeing it from my bicycle was AMAZING!!!!

To everyone who has donated to this amazing charity in support of my Bike Ride, thank you so much!!!  You were all on my mind during my ride today.  I am so grateful for the opportunity.  I know it wasn't the ride any of us had planned.....yet I think this is even better!  It's more of an adventure doing it alone and trusting on myself to take care of myself ;).

In the words of William Wallace......FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words can not express just how happy and grateful I am at this very moment.  I am 16 weeks post head bonking (basically 4 months).  I went to the amazing Dr. Greenwald at the Brain Injury Clinic today and she has finally graduated/released me!!!!  I am off all of my medications and given clearance to do MOST of my activities.  She even encouraged me to do a 40 mile bike ride on June 8th (that she is doing as well.)  *laugh*  She says that concussions only get better and never get worse, but that I may still experience flare ups, but that she has full confidence in me to recognize them and do what is right (based on what I have reported to her thus far).  Yay!!!  She also encouraged me to continue with the Brain Injury Clinic Eye Rest Therapy program that I have an appointment for tomorrow.  It is basically meditation for people who have PTSD (which I have had in the past and this head bonking has triggered some of the symptoms again).

I am still not cleared to belly dance yet.  We both agreed that taking a few more months off would be a good idea to give the brain a little bit more breathing room.  I did do some Zumba the other day, and oddly enough I was horribly bored and didn't want to continue.  I am chalking this up to the personality/attitude change that has happened with the concussion (which she agrees is a normal thing). Since Naomi and I are no longer in the same Belly Dancing class (she got moved up and due to injury, I got moved down) me taking some more time off is okay by me.

Also, I got the great news that since I have been seeing her, I have released 8#.  Yay!  Go me!  Actually, I am back on the getting healthy train and  I'm in full training mode for my first ultra-marathon to take place October 5th.

So since the last time I have blogged, I have been running the trails with my girlfriends.  I have climbed to the peak of Cervidae Peak (2100sf elevation gain in 2.2 miles), ran 6 miles in the wild flowers, ran 6 miles (3 of the beginning and 3 of the end) of the ultra that I am training for and I have climbed to the top of the Corals Trail and back which according to my GPS was 6.25 miles and I did it in my fastest trail speed of 15 minute per mile; my fastest mile on that run was a 10 minute mile!  Go me!!!

I have also gotten back on my bike!  I have cycled 25 miles for the fun of it.  For my 44th birthday, I cycled 44 miles!  And just last weekend I did my first actual charity organized ride of 25 miles with a 4:45min/mile pace!

I also had a HUGE realization yesterday.  I didn't get up for my run and decided to do Beachbody's Turbo Jam Cardio Party (something I used to do on a regular basis a few years ago).  I followed this program to a "T" way back when for 30 days straight.  But yesterday, I was able to do the entire thing at full tilt high intensity (something I could NEVER do all those years ago) and I STILL had energy to keep going!  AMAZING!  I am so grateful for my health and my strong body!

Anyway.....to sum it all up..... I'M BAAAACCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News/Bad News at the Brain Injury Doctor Today

Today I went to see the Brain Injury Doctor.  As you can imagine from my last post, I had lots of questions and concerns.

My concerns:

*The emotional disconnect I was feeling from my family upon my return
*Short term memory issues
*Processing issues
*The return of headaches, nausea, dizziness
*The return of concussion induced insomnia
*With the headaches returning with exercise activities and dancing, can I continue
*Could the return to altitude be the cuplrit

Well, I'm not certain I liked her answers.  First and foremost, "Concussions only get better.  They do not go from getting better to getting worse to getting better again."  So then, how do we explain the return of symptoms?  Her answer, "A mild depression that comes with a change of routine coming from Florida to Boise.  There's a pill for that."  I'm not a fan of taking another pill for these symptoms.  She wants me to take a very mild anti-depressant until I can get over this slump.  The thing is, I don't FEEL depressed!  C'mon, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you see how un-depressed I am!  *laugh*

The emotional disconnect she agreed was an adjustment period and also the return of PTSD symptoms, which she also believes the anti-depressant will help.  HOWEVER, she also has me referred to the Eye-Rest Program at Elks Rehab.  As best as I understand it, this is a form of meditation treatment that is given to head injury clients, especially returning soldiers who have been injured and deal with PTSD.  THIS, I like!

Since I am not sleeping, which she believes is part of the "depression"

11 1/2 Weeks Post Head Bonking.....

After spending 5 weeks in Florida, I am finally home in Boise, Idaho!

I had a fantastic trip that was filled with lots of family time, beach time, walking time and actually getting out and moving and running again!  In the 5 weeks I spent in Florida, the concussion did a bunch of healing.  I was able to run/walk for an hour without significant increase in symptoms.  I was able to run up and over the Melbourne Causeway and back again; I actually did that THREE times while I was there!  I did experience some significant memory issues, especially when I was stressed, but once the stress was decreased, the brain worked better.  I continued to work with the Lumosity.com  games and saw my scores increase.  I even managed to get my mom's taxes done; boy was that difficult!  We filed a 1040EZ for her, and it was still a huge struggle for me to understand what was going on.  For the big finale of my trip, I went with my 2 kids to Earthday Birthday 20; a huge all day rock festival.  I danced and partied all day long!  By the end of the day, I was pretty beat.  I also learned that head banging is NOT good for a concussion.  I stopped as soon as I felt the issue. *laugh*

For my flights home, I did not use the wheel chair and I managed checking in, going through security and getting to my gates very well.  I was pleased with that.

Now that I am home, I am experiencing something completely different and I need to blog about it because I need to express it in some way.  

The whole time I was in Florida, I did some major emotional healing.  I felt so free and happy!  It was an amazing experience. And I couldn't wait to get home to my family.  I missed them so much.  As soon as I walked into my home, I felt awkward.  I wasn't sure where I was supposed to sit, what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to feel.  I felt completely out of place.  It didn't take long for me to be home before Tracy started talking about his concerns with the kids while I was gone.  I started feeling completely overwhelmed.  Where do I fit in?  How do I deal with this?  How did I deal with this before I left?

Tracy and I got all of our stuff together to go for our backpacking trip to the Yurt.  We were leaving the day after I returned home.  So I wasn't sitting still for very long after my flight.  On our little trip up to the yurt, there was not mention of the concerns with the kids; it was just the two of us.  We had a beautiful time and the head handled the difficult backpacking hike up to the yurt wonderfully.  

We were only gone one night.  We came home the next day, feeling happy and exhausted.  But once we were home again, I started feeling strange again.  

I came home on Tuesday afternoon. Today is Friday, and I feel awkward.  Everyone I see has asked me how my head is doing.  And the best I can come up with is:  Right now I feel as though I am at the stage where I just have to learn to live with the challenges the brain is giving me.  I need to learn to live with the memory loss, the processing delays, and such.  But more importantly, right now, I feel just odd.  The best way to describe what I feel is this:  I feel like someone who had some kind of accident that rendered them unconscious and when they "came to" they had amnesia.  They were declared physically well enough to go home from the hospital, but they do not remember their lives before the accident.  They walk into their home and do not remember where they sit, or how they fit into the lives of the people around them.    That is kind of how I feel.

I remember my children.  I remember my husband.  I remember my friends.  I remember being happy with my life.  But now that I am home after being one for 5 weeks, the way that I am feeling does not match what I felt before I left.  To be honest, this scares the heck out of me.  

While I was in Florida, my husband kept telling me how happy I looked in the pictures I was taking.  He kept telling me how happy I sounded on the phone.  I KNOW I felt that way while I was there.  I found something while I was there, and it felt amazing.  I was truly hoping I could bring this bit of change home with me.  But now I just feel lost.  Things that I was excited about before I left, do not make me excited now.  Things I liked before I left, I do not necessarily like now.  

I feel like a stranger dropped into someone else's life and expected to pick up right where she left off...not just day to day activities, but emotionally as well.  

Nate keeps asking me "what's up with attitude lately?"  I have no idea.

I do not know if this is a case of being gone for 5 weeks and just having to readjust to being home.  Or if it something more..if it has something to do with the concussion.  Before I left, I spent 6 weeks doing pretty much nothing other than letting the brain heal.  I went from running and cycling and training hard to NOTHING.  Then 6 weeks of nothing. Then traveling to Florida where I had to deal with the concussion, the stress of my mom's accident and recovery as well as other stressors from home through phone calls.  I had to deal with other things in Florida like my mom's church ladies friends going off about Same Sex Marriage and totally upsetting me.  I found healing through all of this and was feeling great.  Now I'm back home and feeling "off" and not sure what to do.  Tracy talks about people I should know about, and it takes me a while to remember who they are.  Some of this stuff is coming back to me, but I feel like I left here in haze and while I was gone things changed and now that I am home I barely recognize myself or how I fit into this life here in Boise now that I have changed and it has changed all at the same time.

How does all of this work?  Do I just need more time to adjust?  I don't know.