Deep Thoughts from Vacation....on Poverty and Simple Living

When we arrived in Dangriga and boarded our van that drove us through the small town to our boat launch, Tracy and I were floored by what looked to us as poverty.

This picture doesn't even begin to describe to you what we saw people living in.  This little house looks AMAZING compared to the other ones we saw along this trip.

People live in these without power, without air conditioning in a hot and humid country.  Along the roads we saw bicycles with 3 people on them (and they weren't tandem or tag-along bikes). We saw motorcycles with the same amount of people on them.  They rode them on the major high way sharing them with all the other vehicles.  We saw school buses (public transportation) with people hanging out the door because it was so full.  When I asked our van driver (who just got off that bus) how many people were in there, he said about 75.  It only seats 30!  Crazy!

We saw little kids standing by the side of the highway who would rush up to our bus/van when they saw us coming.  They had bags filled with little fruits they were trying to sell.  I so wanted to stop and buy some from them.  They certainly needed the money more than I did.

On the flights here, I just finished reading Saved by Ben Hewitt and am currently reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Both of these books talk about learning to live simply (over simplifying what they are deeply about).  But it struck me that these were the perfect books to be reading as I am on a luxurious vacation where my little part of the island is perfectly groomed, the food is amazing, and the luxuries I get to experience are beyond what most of these people living in these little shacks can even begin to comprehend. Yet, I look at the smiles on their faces.  I see them swinging in their hammocks. I see the children OUTSIDE playing soccer or riding their bikes or just playing chase.  I see whole families OUTSIDE together being together.  A life of "poverty" maybe, but it is a simple life and they appear to be happy.  Maybe because they do not know any thing different?  They just simply live.

I found myself often wondering, what do these people do to make money for food and necessities?  From what I could see, there were 3 factories "in the area", several resorts that the bus could take them to, little stores and restaurants (but even the bigger stores were owned by Chinese people).  So they are factory workers, in the service industry and possibly farming. But the biggest farming is done by the Mennonites who are also the richest people in the country.

Some of the employees at the resort talked about the growth that has happened in this area in the last 10 years and the opportunities it is providing for them.  They also talked about their little villages of 300 people and how everyone knows every one's business.  But this husband and wife who work at the island live on the island (together) for 3 weeks on and 1 week off while the grandma watches their child.  I can't imagine both Tracy and I being away from our children for that long in order to support our family, but I never saw these 2 NOT smile.  They were so grateful.

Tracy and I often had a conversation about the classification of Belize.  Is it a 3rd world country?  It's been a while since we have studied anything like this.  "What classifies a country as 1st world or 3rd world?  Is there a 2nd world?"  We asked some of our Island Family these questions and we were all kinda stumped.  We kinda decided that it must be a "developing country".  I suppose. Maybe.  The other thing that prompted this conversation was the amount of mission trip kids we saw in the air ports. Mind you, this is where Tracy went for his mission trip 25 years ago, and kids are STILL coming to help out.  So when we got stateside, we looked up the classification for 1st, 2nd, 3rd world countries.  Belize is classified as a 3rd World Country and shares the classification as the 3rd Least Developed Country classification with several other countries.   But 3rd World Country has nothing to do with finances; it is based on a relationship (or not) with NATO. NATO partners are 1st World.  Communist Countries were 2nd world.  And anyone else left were 3rd World including Switzerland.  So "world rankings" mean nothing.  We really had to look at the state of development, and that is where we saw the poverty.

Anyway, it really struck Tracy and I.  Yes, we count ourselves very blessed on a daily basis.  We have an amazing life with each other.  We love each other deeply.  We have beautiful and healthy children.  We live in a nice home.  We drive cars/motorcycles that we like.  We have more luxuries than many people...not as much as some..but more than many.  We live in America, that may not be perfect, but the opportunities for life's health and comfort are readily available.  But once we were in Belize on this amazing luxurious vacation, but off the island and surrounded by poverty (but safely kept in our vans/buses) it really struck us.  We are so very blessed and almost embarrassingly so (when compared to those living in these shacks).  But at the same time, I saw the FREEDOM and BLESSINGS these people had by not having the material en-trappings of what we  have here in the states.  It was beautiful to see. What a beautiful paradox and enlightening experience.  What perfect timing with the books I am reading.  What a great lesson to be part of!  So very grateful!

Oyee!!!! Completed my 400 Mile Spring Ride Bike Adventure, in the summer as a Virtual Rider!

Life has a funny way of showing us that the path we are on is the wrong path, and there is a better way to get to your destination, even if it seems its rather out-of-the-way and a complete bummer!  That is what The Spring Ride has been like for me.  One "detour" after another.  One challenge after another.  But I am happy to say, that today, June 18, 2013, I finally completed my 400 miles plus some bonus miles!

This journey is not at all what I had expected.  I totally expected to raise awareness and money for The Fuller Center, train to ride 400 miles, travel to Nashville, TN, and ride the 400 miles with a team to Jackson, MS and then fly to my mom's in Florida afterwards.  Yes.  It was neatly planned complete with plane tickets purchased and money raised.  I was ready!  

The only hang-up?  How do you train in Boise, Idaho for a 400 mile ride that will take place in March?  Winter time here means snow and ice.  Finally there was a break in the snow and ice.  Everything had melted and dried up.  Then we got a fresh dusty snow which I thought would be safe to ride on.  I headed out to the greenbelt to ride.  It was a bit slick in the bumpy areas (I really wish the city would fix those areas, my saddle would appreciate that!)  But when it was flat, the dry powdery snow just flew off my tires.  It was great.  That is until, my tires found a sheet of ice.  I was down in an instant and bashed my helmet clad head on the pavement.  The next thing I remember was laughing and making sure no one saw me fall.  Then I felt the headache and I knew I had a concussion.  I got up.  Took a picture of where I fell (isn't that what YOU would do?) and for a moment thought about continuing on with my ride.  But the Nausea was kicking in.  I decided to ride my bike back the mile and a half to my car.

I didn't go to the doctor cause I knew what they would say. "Rest and don't fall asleep unattended for 24 hours"  So my husband checked on me all day long over the computer.  However, the next day the headache and nausea were still really bad. I was dizzy.  My speech was slurred.  I could not process thoughts.  I had no short term memory; for that matter even my long term memory was having issues.  I had loss of fine motor skills.  I could not ride in the car without being nauseous.  I could not listen to music without getting nauseous.  I could not follow a plot line on TV to save my life.    All I wanted to do was sleep.  A week later, I was still having issues.  Back to the doctor I went.  I made it very clear to him that I had a Spring Ride to do is 6 weeks weeks and I NEEDED to be better!  He referred me to the Brain Injury Clinic.  It took them 3 weeks to get me in.  

My first day at the Brain Injury Clinic I made it clear to them that I HAD to be better in 3 weeks!  They did not look very convinced.  They did some testing on me.  I saw a speech pathologist for my speech and processing.  I saw a hearing and balance doctor for my balance and dizziness issues and I saw a physical therapist for the heavy head feeling.  I also had a special head injury doctor who over saw all of this and put me on special meds for the concussion induced insomnia.  A week after seeing these doctors, I had a really bad episode of concussion induced insomnia and I passed out and fell backwards slamming my head against the floor.  That was when I knew the ride was over.  I went to the doctor that day.  She confirmed.  Not only was I not going to be able to do the Ride but the traveling was out of the question all together.  I was not allowed to go to Florida to see my mom and kids.  I understood.  This concussion was not something to take lightly or something that I could wish away.  As it was, I couldn't even drive myself or go to the grocery store or follow recipe instructions.  My brain was completely scrambled.  All activity was put on hold.  No running.  No walking.  No cycling.  No dancing.  We had to get this all under control.

As it turned out, the day after we decided I could not do the ride or travel, my mom (in Florida) shattered her hip and needed a hip replacement.  I HAD to travel, but I was giving it another week and a half before I travelled and I had to  have wheelchairs take me through security and to my gates since my brain could not process these things well enough yet.  

While in Florida, I was able to start the "return to sport protocol" which means walking/running again.  That felt great.  I was doing my brain exercises and starting to remember things a little bit better.  I was there for 5 weeks.  But once I came home, the symptoms increased and I had emotional amnesia.  I knew my family but had no emotional connection to them.  I also had a personality change and started liking music I previously could not stand.  And I still had short-term memory issues and a hard time counting money (this still continues).

Finally in May, I was cleared to get back on the bike!  I was trail running and riding my bike and loving life.  I was out on a ride with a Fuller Center team mate, Kurt Schneider, one day when he told me I should start my ride in conjunction with the Summer Ride kick off.  I agreed!  A few days later, my husband's Uncle Carl passed away.  I decided to go ahead with the ride.  I rode for 3 straight days before I realized that the early mornings and long days were not conducive to grieving the loss of a loved one.  I needed to take some time off to spend with my husband and help him grieve.  I needed to get things done.  

It is one thing to go away for a ride where there are no family distractions and something completely different to be home planning a 400 mile bike ride where you come home every day and still have to do the mom/wife thing on top of being exhausted and keeping your ride going!  Talk about a challenge.  There was one day that I was so exhausted on the ride that I didn't think I was gong to make it.  I just happened to be near a mountain I had just summited the weekend before.  It was a 14 mile 3500 ft elevation gain trail run.  It was HARD.  I told my girlfriends that I didn't think I would make it, but they cheered me on and I kept going and sure enough I made it!  AMAZING!  It was so hard and so rewarding.  I saw that mountain while I was riding and remembered that if I could do that, anything is possible!  One night I was so exhausted and worn out and doubting that I could do this alone and I was crying on my husband's shoulder.  His response was, "Martha, once you have set your mind to something you have ALWAYS done it!  You've Got this!"  I guess he was right.

Not only did I finish this ride, but I also completed my first Century Ride while doing it!  I have been wanting to do that for a year now!  Not only did I do it, but I felt great afterwards!

Today I completed my 400 (plus) journey with a bittersweet feeling.  What's next?  I just wanted to keep riding.  I took a moment to look over the river and ponder what a change this has made in my life.

I am so grateful to those who have donated to my journey, for the people who have supported me emotionally, and for the physical, mental and emotional strength I have gained from this journey!  I feel so close to the team of riders from the Bike Adventures, yet I have never met them!   I am grateful that I have been able to make a difference in other people's lives both in the Greater Blessing Program as well as inspiring others to do things they have only dreamed of.  Anything is possible!    And it is with that thought that I created the following video from the pictures I took along my journey.  The song in the background is by Gino and it is called "Possible" (a song that played several times during my ride.)

Day 2 Familiar Territory, And Always Beautiful!

Day 2 of my Fuller Center for Housing Bike Adventure took me to the very familiar Boise Greenbelt.  I have run this greenbelt for 2 marathons, 2 half marathons and 1 10K.  I have ridden my bike countless miles on this greenbelt.  I know it like the back of my hand, yet every time I get to play on it, my eyes are filled with wonder and there are always new faces to greet with a smile!

Today is Tuesday and I have a weekly Weight Watcher's weigh in at 11:45.  Granted, sometimes I skip it for important things like a lunch ride with Kurt Schneider. *laugh*  But today I REALLY wanted to go to the weigh in.  So my alarm clock went off at 4:15 and I was on the Greenbelt by 5:15 and it was still dark (but the sun was quickly rising).  With lights on my bike turned on and my own head lamp going, I set off in the dark.

I thought my legs were feeling great until I started riding.  I'm pretty sure they hated me.  And my saddle..we won't even discuss it.  Have I ever mentioned how BUMPY that greenbelt can be???  Ouchies!!!  By the end of 400 miles, I may have permanent damage!  I'm not entirely certain how the summer riders will ride every day for 9 weeks  (Okay, they get rest days...but still!)

My goal today was 40 but then I figured I would just do 50 instead.  It was easy enough.  The first 27 or so were slower than I would have liked 5:30 miles.  I just felt like I was dragging.  My legs were having NONE of it today...well that and I had to avoid the bumps.  Ouch!  Then I happened to ride by a peak that I ALWAYS ride by and never think twice about it.  But today, I rode by it and said, "Hey!  I just summited that peak on Saturday!"  3500 foot elevation gain and it was a relentless up hill climb.  And I thought, "Martha, if you can do THAT, you can do a measly 50 miles on this flat greenbelt!  I just kept peddling.

After my rest break at Sandy Point Beach, my legs were feeling warmed up and ready to rock and even my saddle was finally deciding to shut up and get with the program!  The remainder of the 50 miles was a breeze!  I even got the pace down to 5:01 until the very end where it changed to 5:03. Grrr.    That is okay.  I got to see the Giraffe today over the wall at the zoo and watch as a woman who is just visiting the area smile the biggest smile of joy when she saw him too.  She was so excited.  Yup, Boise, is just that amazing!  In case you want to see them... about 10:30 every morning, just head out to Julia Davis Park and head to the Giraffe habitat and there they will be!  And they are not camera shy!


So ya.. I finished in plenty of time to get home, shower and get to my WW meeting.  But more importantly, I am down 120 miles of the 400!  Only 280 more miles to go!  I got this!

Why did the cyclist cross Hwy 55....... to soak her feet in the river! The 400 Mile Bike Adventure has Begun!

Hey Gang!!!!

Finally, as The Fuller Center Summer Bike Adventure begins, I am starting the 400 mile bike ride I was SUPPOSED to do in March with them!  400 miles in 7 days...that's the goal!

Today was day 1 with the route of doing the Banks Lowman Road back and forth.  70 Miles ....well with some extra miles to make the 70 mile mark.

To be honest, last night I was scared and excited all at the same time.  When I signed up for the Spring Ride, I was suppose to be going with a supported team.  My reality looks completely different.  I am doing these 400 miles completely unsupported and today's route was in a total dead zone for cell coverage.  And I found out, all pay phones for the area were not working either!  Thankfully, I found nice people to let me borrow their cordless phones to check in with Tracy.  (I had to relearn how to use them!)

I did get to visit a historic one room school in Lowman.  It is K-12 with only 5 students who all go at the same time and even has a wood burning stove! So cool!  It also had old fashioned playground equipment that I couldn't resist as I ate my snacks!

I also found out that I am stronger than I thought I was.  This is always good to learn.  This route had an elevation gain of 2441 ft.  Which I guess is not much over 70 miles, but these hills went on forever..long and steady and I just kept peddling.  I had my doubts, but each time, I just kept going!  My legs are stronger than I thought they were!  It was just nice to know that I could do this!  And actually,  having finished this ride at about 4pm and its not 742 pm, my legs are feeling GREAT! (Still grateful that tomorrow's ride will be along the greenbelt and a bit easier to handle :) ).

Over all, I had a fantastic ride in some of the most beautiful country ever!  I have driven this route, I have ridden on the back of the motorcycle, but seeing it from my bicycle was AMAZING!!!!

To everyone who has donated to this amazing charity in support of my Bike Ride, thank you so much!!!  You were all on my mind during my ride today.  I am so grateful for the opportunity.  I know it wasn't the ride any of us had planned.....yet I think this is even better!  It's more of an adventure doing it alone and trusting on myself to take care of myself ;).

In the words of William Wallace......FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words can not express just how happy and grateful I am at this very moment.  I am 16 weeks post head bonking (basically 4 months).  I went to the amazing Dr. Greenwald at the Brain Injury Clinic today and she has finally graduated/released me!!!!  I am off all of my medications and given clearance to do MOST of my activities.  She even encouraged me to do a 40 mile bike ride on June 8th (that she is doing as well.)  *laugh*  She says that concussions only get better and never get worse, but that I may still experience flare ups, but that she has full confidence in me to recognize them and do what is right (based on what I have reported to her thus far).  Yay!!!  She also encouraged me to continue with the Brain Injury Clinic Eye Rest Therapy program that I have an appointment for tomorrow.  It is basically meditation for people who have PTSD (which I have had in the past and this head bonking has triggered some of the symptoms again).

I am still not cleared to belly dance yet.  We both agreed that taking a few more months off would be a good idea to give the brain a little bit more breathing room.  I did do some Zumba the other day, and oddly enough I was horribly bored and didn't want to continue.  I am chalking this up to the personality/attitude change that has happened with the concussion (which she agrees is a normal thing). Since Naomi and I are no longer in the same Belly Dancing class (she got moved up and due to injury, I got moved down) me taking some more time off is okay by me.

Also, I got the great news that since I have been seeing her, I have released 8#.  Yay!  Go me!  Actually, I am back on the getting healthy train and  I'm in full training mode for my first ultra-marathon to take place October 5th.

So since the last time I have blogged, I have been running the trails with my girlfriends.  I have climbed to the peak of Cervidae Peak (2100sf elevation gain in 2.2 miles), ran 6 miles in the wild flowers, ran 6 miles (3 of the beginning and 3 of the end) of the ultra that I am training for and I have climbed to the top of the Corals Trail and back which according to my GPS was 6.25 miles and I did it in my fastest trail speed of 15 minute per mile; my fastest mile on that run was a 10 minute mile!  Go me!!!

I have also gotten back on my bike!  I have cycled 25 miles for the fun of it.  For my 44th birthday, I cycled 44 miles!  And just last weekend I did my first actual charity organized ride of 25 miles with a 4:45min/mile pace!

I also had a HUGE realization yesterday.  I didn't get up for my run and decided to do Beachbody's Turbo Jam Cardio Party (something I used to do on a regular basis a few years ago).  I followed this program to a "T" way back when for 30 days straight.  But yesterday, I was able to do the entire thing at full tilt high intensity (something I could NEVER do all those years ago) and I STILL had energy to keep going!  AMAZING!  I am so grateful for my health and my strong body!

Anyway.....to sum it all up..... I'M BAAAACCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News/Bad News at the Brain Injury Doctor Today

Today I went to see the Brain Injury Doctor.  As you can imagine from my last post, I had lots of questions and concerns.

My concerns:

*The emotional disconnect I was feeling from my family upon my return
*Short term memory issues
*Processing issues
*The return of headaches, nausea, dizziness
*The return of concussion induced insomnia
*With the headaches returning with exercise activities and dancing, can I continue
*Could the return to altitude be the cuplrit

Well, I'm not certain I liked her answers.  First and foremost, "Concussions only get better.  They do not go from getting better to getting worse to getting better again."  So then, how do we explain the return of symptoms?  Her answer, "A mild depression that comes with a change of routine coming from Florida to Boise.  There's a pill for that."  I'm not a fan of taking another pill for these symptoms.  She wants me to take a very mild anti-depressant until I can get over this slump.  The thing is, I don't FEEL depressed!  C'mon, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you see how un-depressed I am!  *laugh*

The emotional disconnect she agreed was an adjustment period and also the return of PTSD symptoms, which she also believes the anti-depressant will help.  HOWEVER, she also has me referred to the Eye-Rest Program at Elks Rehab.  As best as I understand it, this is a form of meditation treatment that is given to head injury clients, especially returning soldiers who have been injured and deal with PTSD.  THIS, I like!

Since I am not sleeping, which she believes is part of the "depression"

11 1/2 Weeks Post Head Bonking.....

After spending 5 weeks in Florida, I am finally home in Boise, Idaho!

I had a fantastic trip that was filled with lots of family time, beach time, walking time and actually getting out and moving and running again!  In the 5 weeks I spent in Florida, the concussion did a bunch of healing.  I was able to run/walk for an hour without significant increase in symptoms.  I was able to run up and over the Melbourne Causeway and back again; I actually did that THREE times while I was there!  I did experience some significant memory issues, especially when I was stressed, but once the stress was decreased, the brain worked better.  I continued to work with the Lumosity.com  games and saw my scores increase.  I even managed to get my mom's taxes done; boy was that difficult!  We filed a 1040EZ for her, and it was still a huge struggle for me to understand what was going on.  For the big finale of my trip, I went with my 2 kids to Earthday Birthday 20; a huge all day rock festival.  I danced and partied all day long!  By the end of the day, I was pretty beat.  I also learned that head banging is NOT good for a concussion.  I stopped as soon as I felt the issue. *laugh*

For my flights home, I did not use the wheel chair and I managed checking in, going through security and getting to my gates very well.  I was pleased with that.

Now that I am home, I am experiencing something completely different and I need to blog about it because I need to express it in some way.  

The whole time I was in Florida, I did some major emotional healing.  I felt so free and happy!  It was an amazing experience. And I couldn't wait to get home to my family.  I missed them so much.  As soon as I walked into my home, I felt awkward.  I wasn't sure where I was supposed to sit, what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to feel.  I felt completely out of place.  It didn't take long for me to be home before Tracy started talking about his concerns with the kids while I was gone.  I started feeling completely overwhelmed.  Where do I fit in?  How do I deal with this?  How did I deal with this before I left?

Tracy and I got all of our stuff together to go for our backpacking trip to the Yurt.  We were leaving the day after I returned home.  So I wasn't sitting still for very long after my flight.  On our little trip up to the yurt, there was not mention of the concerns with the kids; it was just the two of us.  We had a beautiful time and the head handled the difficult backpacking hike up to the yurt wonderfully.  

We were only gone one night.  We came home the next day, feeling happy and exhausted.  But once we were home again, I started feeling strange again.  

I came home on Tuesday afternoon. Today is Friday, and I feel awkward.  Everyone I see has asked me how my head is doing.  And the best I can come up with is:  Right now I feel as though I am at the stage where I just have to learn to live with the challenges the brain is giving me.  I need to learn to live with the memory loss, the processing delays, and such.  But more importantly, right now, I feel just odd.  The best way to describe what I feel is this:  I feel like someone who had some kind of accident that rendered them unconscious and when they "came to" they had amnesia.  They were declared physically well enough to go home from the hospital, but they do not remember their lives before the accident.  They walk into their home and do not remember where they sit, or how they fit into the lives of the people around them.    That is kind of how I feel.

I remember my children.  I remember my husband.  I remember my friends.  I remember being happy with my life.  But now that I am home after being one for 5 weeks, the way that I am feeling does not match what I felt before I left.  To be honest, this scares the heck out of me.  

While I was in Florida, my husband kept telling me how happy I looked in the pictures I was taking.  He kept telling me how happy I sounded on the phone.  I KNOW I felt that way while I was there.  I found something while I was there, and it felt amazing.  I was truly hoping I could bring this bit of change home with me.  But now I just feel lost.  Things that I was excited about before I left, do not make me excited now.  Things I liked before I left, I do not necessarily like now.  

I feel like a stranger dropped into someone else's life and expected to pick up right where she left off...not just day to day activities, but emotionally as well.  

Nate keeps asking me "what's up with attitude lately?"  I have no idea.

I do not know if this is a case of being gone for 5 weeks and just having to readjust to being home.  Or if it something more..if it has something to do with the concussion.  Before I left, I spent 6 weeks doing pretty much nothing other than letting the brain heal.  I went from running and cycling and training hard to NOTHING.  Then 6 weeks of nothing. Then traveling to Florida where I had to deal with the concussion, the stress of my mom's accident and recovery as well as other stressors from home through phone calls.  I had to deal with other things in Florida like my mom's church ladies friends going off about Same Sex Marriage and totally upsetting me.  I found healing through all of this and was feeling great.  Now I'm back home and feeling "off" and not sure what to do.  Tracy talks about people I should know about, and it takes me a while to remember who they are.  Some of this stuff is coming back to me, but I feel like I left here in haze and while I was gone things changed and now that I am home I barely recognize myself or how I fit into this life here in Boise now that I have changed and it has changed all at the same time.

How does all of this work?  Do I just need more time to adjust?  I don't know.

7 Weeks Into Brain Injury Recovery

Week 7 has been quite eventful, probably more than it should have been.  I have been mindful of the symptoms and have tried hard not to overdo it and to get plenty of rest.  It has been a challenge.  I have lots of work to do here in the house before my mom can come home from the hospital.  I have also been following the "return to sport" protocol and playing the mental flexibility games for therapy.  Between house work and my own rehab it has been a bit crazy.  Oh ya, and don't forget kennel training my mom's dog.  Ya, have I said I have been busy.

It's been pretty emotional too.  Watching my mom go through her own recovery process is a bit un-nerving.  It's really hard to watch a parent get older, especially when you live all the way across the country.  This visit is giving me a glimpse of things to come and it is really emotional for me.  I'm sure that isn't helping the state of my recovery process.

Day 1 Return to Sport Protocol:
15 minutes.  1 mile.   I took my mom's dog for  a walk along the path by the house.  It went well and without symptoms.

Day 2 Return to Sport Protocol:
20 minutes.  1.11 miles.  I went to my favorite beach to watch the sunrise (Melbourne Beach).  I walked for 20 minutes on the beach while the sun was rising. Then I sat and watched the remainder of the sunrise.  It was so beautiful and peaceful.  Again, I was symptom free.

















Day 3 Return to Sport Protocol:
25 minutes.  1.90 miles.  I went to visit one of the many nature sanctuaries in the area.  Erna Nixon Park.  I did a couple of laps in this beautiful little park.  It was quite fun and I was symptom free again!  I was getting so excited with all of this activity and being symptom free!

Day 4 Return to Sport Protocol:
20 minutes.  1.01 miles.  This is where things went wrong.  I was supposed to do 30 minutes on Day 4.  However, the concussion had other plans.  I was 15 minutes into brisk walking when a headache developed.  This meant, I needed to shut down and walk slowing back to my car.  *sigh*  I did this walk at an outdoor exercise path that was severely neglected and over grown.  It was like a maze/puzzle trying to figure out where I needed to go.  Not only was I physically working out, but my brain was working too AND I was listening to music at the same time.  My head did not like this.  Then I went to visit my old Seventh Day Adventist Church and visiting with old friends and singing song had the head hurting more.  It was a difficult day.

I decided to rest Sunday.  By rest, I mean not try to walk.  I went to the Center for Spiritual Living in Rockledge, FL.  It was quite a drive, but so worth it.  Then I went to Ron Jon's surf shop and found myself completely overwhelmed and over stimulated.  I had to tell myself it was okay and to stay focused on what I went in there for.  I took some deep breathes and made it out alive.  After that, I went to another one of my favorite beaches and took a little bit of a gentle walk to sooth my head. That did the trick and I was able to visit my mom on the way home.

Monday, I decided to continue to take it easy.  Don't ask me what I did, cause I can't for the life of me remember. *laugh* Though I'm certain I went to visit my mom.

Day 5 Return to Sport Protocol:
48 minutes.  1.65 miles.  Yes, that was a HUGE time jump, but it was a very slow, meandering walk through my favorite nature sanctuary, Turkey Creek.  I love that place and I took lots of pictures and stopped to observe the beauty.  After my walk, I spent 8 hours cleaning my mom's room and getting it ready for her to return home.  I took an hour break at lunch to eat and recharge.  But other than that, there was no rest.  I felt okay.  I may have had a little bit of symptoms while I was cleaning, but nothing really to worry about.




Day 6 Return to Sport Protocol:
30 minutes.  2.19 miles.  This walk was brisk and just around the neighborhood.  While exercising I was symptom free and I felt like I  had finally turned a corner.  Then it hit me!  Headaches.  Unable to concentrate.  My typing went down the tubes fast, and that is a sure sign of issue.  I was texting my husband and the typos were so bad he could not decipher what I was trying to say.  That is worrisome. My husband thinks I tried too much too soon.  But I was following protocol.

I won't call today Day 7.  I decided to take the day off and head to the beach and relax.  I went to Sebastian Inlet State Park.  I walk for 30 minutes for 2 miles.  However, my day started out with symptoms.  After my walk, I just hung out on the beach with my eyes closed and relaxing listening to the sounds of the crashing waves. It was bliss...that is until a young man decided he needed to turn his music up so everyone could hear it.  There goes my time of non-sensory rest.  *sigh*  The headache has been pretty  bad today.  I couldn't even visit my mom very long today.  It is feeling a bit better after eating dinner, but I still feel it.  Thankfully my son is studying for some exams and has soft ambient music on.

So there ya have it...I'm still recovering and doing what I can.  I am doing my brain exercises.  I am doing my balance exercises while I walk and I'm following my Return to Sport Protocol all while trying to get my mom's house ready for her return and visiting her in the hospital to keep her spirits up.  Here's hoping tomorrow will be symptom free day :).

The 6 Week Mark...the Perks of Traveling with a Concussion

It’s been 6 weeks since I crashed my bike on the ice and bonked my head.  I went to Elks Rehab to see the physical therapist, speech pathologist and the balance therapist.   All in all it was a good visit with 3 of my favorite people.  I am very grateful to have access to such amazing care!

Physical Therapist:

Today they tested me on the treadmill to see how long I could exercise and how high my heart rate could go before symptoms appeared or got worse.  They gave me heart rate monitor to wear, gave me a chart of perceived exertion to refer to and turned on the treadmill at 3 MPH.  Every minute they asked me what number of perceived exertion I thought I was at and compared that to my heart rate monitor.  They also asked me about any symptoms. After 3 minutes at a zero incline and 3 MPH with no symptoms and heart rate low, they began to raise the incline.  Each minute they checked on me, they continued to raise the incline.  18 minutes in, my heart rate was at my highest marathon rate before I slow down and symptoms (headache and dizziness) appeared.  My heart rate was 168 and my highest allowed rate is 177.  Pretty darn good for 6 weeks of no real exercise!  With this information, they decided it was safe to put me on a “return to sport” protocol.  My heart rate should not go above 134.4.  I can start with 15 minute fast paced walk the first day and each day increase by 5 minutes until I get to 60 minutes.  Once I have done this without symptoms, I can then start with a running protocol.  Due to remaining balance/nausea issues, I am not cleared to ride a bike or dance yet, but I’ll get there soon!

Speech Pathologist:

She gave me the results of all those test she gave me over the last 2 weeks.  Over all, I am doing great.  My best skill sets right now are the brain functions used in remembering belongings and appointments.  I am good at facial recognition.  These are the perspective memory skills.   My challenges are in procedural and working memory.  She gave me a card game called “One Back” that I can play with a regular card deck.  She also suggested a card game called SET (a pattern recognition, mental flexibility and thought processing game).  I bought the phone app for it, but I realize I need the tangible version.  The phone app is too hard for me still and makes my brain very tired.  She also suggested Lumosity.com which is a site with brain games and will keep a record of my healing progress. 

I am still healing, but there is nothing they can do to make my brain heal faster.  Basically, its about me learning how to function with the brain I have currently while it continues to heal.  That means playing these games, resting so I don’t get over stimulated or tired and taking notes, lots of notes and lists and when being given instructions, making sure they are given step by step and I have to repeat them.

Balance Therapy:

This was such a fun therapy for me.  I am truly going to miss seeing Dayna.  She was awesome!   I laughed so hard when I was with her.  She gave me exercises to retrain my brain to balance and to be okay with outside stimulation so that I do not get nauseous or dizzy.  I now have some fun balancing, head turning, head nodding and walking exercises.  These exercises start with very basic stuff to the more advance, walking while turning my head from side to side and saying my alphabet backwards.  Whew!!!  Once I can do these things without symptoms, I can get back on my bike, roller skates and the dance floor!

With exercises in hand, The Brain Injury Clinic has released me.

Before catching my flight to Florida, I had a visit with the brain injury specialists, Dr. Greenwald.   After being thrilled to see the progress I have made, she made a follow up appointment with me for 6 weeks.  She reiterated what everyone has said.  Rest, follow your rehab routine and listen to your body.  Got it!

As I sit here on the airplane listening to quiet, soothing music and typing my thoughts, I am so grateful for how far I have come.  I am grateful for the brain strengths I have.  I am grateful for the life skills I have developed over the years that have helped me prepare for my trip and keep everything going smoothly.  I am grateful for an amazing husband who has seen me through the worst of it.  I am grateful for my amazing supportive friends! 

Once we got to the airport, I realized (once again) that it was the right call to call off my Spring Ride.  Just 5 minutes into the check in procedure and I was already over stimulated.  When we first entered the airport I thought it was silly to have wheel chair take me through security and to my gate.  Boise is a small airport. But 5 minutes in, I was toast.  I am grateful for the wheelchair escort through security and to my gate which was the last gate in the terminal.  By the time I got to the gate agent’s desk to verify I could have preboarding, I was having a difficult time verbally communicating and I was shaky.  Whew! 

The gate agents were so compassionate and sweet.  They even bumped me up 10 rows on the plan (without my asking) so I “wouldn’t have to walk so far while on the plane”.  Grateful!  I was the 3^rd passenger on the plane and it was nice and quiet.  In the solitude, I was able to get situated at my own pace.  Grateful!

I guess traveling with a brain injury has its perks!

Now to turn this off, put my feet up and rest my brain.  Yay for having a whole row to myself!

A Full Day of Therapy...Kind of Like a Day at the Amusement Park Gone Wrong.

I realize this blog has taken a completely different turn that what it was created for.  It started out as a way to keep you informed with my training for the Fuller Center for Housing Spring Ride and has turned into an update on the recovery of the concussion I sustained while training for the Spring Ride.  It's the way of life, I suppose.  Always changing and flowing and never static!

Like I have said several times before, this Call to Adventure (this journey) has taught me so many lessons, and right now, the recovery process from a concussion is quite the learning experience! Like my brother said to me last night, "This is more than just a little bump on the head."

Today, I was scheduled for all 3 of my therapy modalities.  At 8am, I was scheduled with hearing and balance.  At 9am I was scheduled with the speech pathologist and at 10am I was scheduled with my manual physical therapist.  To top the morning off, I was scheduled with my social worker in charge of keeping the lines of communication open between me and all of my therapists and doctors at 11:30am.  Whew!  All of these appointments take place in 2 buildings across the street from each other.  I was a bit worried, I would forget where all of the therapists offices were.  Thankfully, I managed to find everything. I guess my brain isn't as scrambled as I thought it was.  Whew!  I AM getting better!

First up:  Hearing and Balance.

Dayna, my therapist, did a test to see if the crystals in my ears stayed put, and they did.  Yay!  Progress!  Then she had me so some walking and gait analysis.  I did okay with that.  Then she took me into the Computerized Dynamic Posturography Machine.  This is where my day started to feel like an "amusement park gone wrong."  Let's face it, when someone straps you into a safety harness, you are either going to have fun or get injured while trying to!  So when she strapped me into the safety harness, I had mixed emotions.  Then she had me stand on this platform and attached the shoulder straps of my harness to the safety chords dangling by my shoulders (the "Oh CRAP" straps as she called them).  She did several tests with my eyes open and my eyes shut.  The walls that were around me moved and shook.  They came in at me then went away from me.  The platform beneath me shook and tilted.  Sometimes I was steady and at other times I was very grateful for the "Oh Crap!" straps above my shoulders.   When it was all said and done, the test showed that I lacked balance.  At my age, I should be testing in the 70's and I was at 52.  We will say,  I have room for improvement.  *laugh*  In real life, this plays out in lack of balance with uneven terrain, in dimly lit areas, and my depth perception is a bit off.  She also said that in things like riding my bike, dancing, trail running I would have some serious issues.  Huh.  As a result of today, she said my actual THERAPY will start next week.  We are done with the testing, and she will request more time with me for therapy than what has already been scheduled. (This will happen at the staffing meeting with my social worker next week.)

This is obviously NOT me in this picture...but this is the balance machine I was tested on today.

Second up:  Speech Pathologist.

Tami and Megan are my speech pathologists.  Today was more testing. Today they tested my attention.  It's hard to explain the tests they gave me, but let me just say THEY WERE HARD!  I have never had such a hard time counting to 10 in my life!  (well except for when I was a kid learning how to count)  It was not as straight an easy as counting to 10.  I was given pictures to count then an arrow facing up would tell me to keep counting up but then a few frames later another arrow pointing down would have me counting down from where I was then it would switch back to up.  I had to remember which direction I was going in and what number came next.  It's harder than it sounds!  Then they had me do this in an auditory test using different pitched beeps that I couldn't control the speed of. I got so confused; I didn't know which was was up or down (literally).  I wish there was a way to put into typing just how difficult these tests were.  When I was all done having my brain stretched and examined, they told me that I did well and these test were indeed very difficult.  *shrug* I just left there feeling like a kid who didn't know how to count, and when you are 43, that is kind of a scary thought!  Once again, real, actual THERAPY starts next week.  

Last up on the therapy rounds:  Manual Physical Therapy.

This is kind of a mix between massage therapy and a chiropractor.  He is working diligently to get my cervical joints in place where they belong.  This gives me the feeling of "it hurts so good".  Once he is done manipulating my neck, its time for exercises.  This is where I get to do things you take for granted and work on my posture.  This is good for a dancer :).  At least my brain doesn't really have to work during this therapy and it can rest from the torture of the previous two :).

Ending my day with the social worker:

Grateful to have Greg on my side.  He is great.  Last week after I was told by the doctors that I would not be allowed to travel for the Spring Ride or to see my mom and kids in Florida, my mom was in a doctors appointment when she fell and shattered her hip and broker her arm bad enough she would need pins to help heal.  The next day, she had surgery for a hip replacement and the pins for her arm.  I spoke with Greg on the phone and got cleared to go to Florida to help my mom in her transition from her own Rehab hospital in Florida (like the one I go to for the concussion) to her private home.  I will leave on the 12th after next weeks appointments with my therapists.  Greg managed to get my appointments rearranged so I could make this trip possible.  Even when my dad was in the rehab hospital and I worked with the social worker there, I had no real clue what role the social worker played in this process.  I'm grateful for this experience so I understand how things work as my mom is now facing her own rehab and recovery.    Greg has been able to talk me through some of the process my mom will be going through; then again, so has my manual therapist.  

In Review:

I am sad that I am missing the Fuller Center for Housing Spring Ride, but I am so very grateful for this concussion experience and the lessons I am learning...not just about letting go and resting, but about the way my brain works, about how the rehab system works and about remaining calm in the midst of a storm.  

I lieu of The Spring Ride, I am working on routes for my own 400 mile ride here in Idaho.  I am pretty excited about where my two wheels will be taking me.  There are some gorgeous routes to be explored here in Idaho!  So as soon as I am cleared to get back on my bike, I will let you know.  In the mean time, I am still raising funds for the Fuller Center for Housing, and I would be very grateful if you would join me in this experience and life lesson and make a donation using the link below.  I appreciate your continued support!

https://www.fullercenter.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?reset=1&id=176

What Was That Noise????

Where am I?  Why am I on the floor?   Wasn't I just on the couch?  Was I sleep walking?  Why does my head hurt and my ears ring?  Oh NO!!!!!!!!!

That sound was quite possibly me falling of the end of my rope and the final thud of my 400 mile bike ride dreams coming to a crash!  

In reality, the noise was my head banging on my living room floor as I blacked out/passed out and fell.  I was experiencing one of the symptoms of a concussion (insomnia).  I had only gotten maybe about 3 hours of sleep when I decided to get out of bed and stop fighting the insomnia.  I turned on the heating blanket and laid on the couch and watched some TV.  I got up to turn off the heating blanket.  The controls were on the floor.  I picked up the controller, looked at the clock and saw it was 6:00 AM and turned off the heating blanket.

Then I woke up to a loud noise and my living room shaking.  I awoke with a start and had no clue where I was.  I felt the floor beneath my arms and hands.  Had I had one of those crazy falling out of the sky dreams and fell off of my bed?  My head was hurting and my ears were ringing and my elbow was hurting.  I realized I must have hit my head. But how?  Was I sleep walking?  I thought I was on the couch; how did I get here?  Then it all came back to me.  I looked at the heating blanket controls; they were off.  I looked at the clock it still said 6:00 AM so I hadn't been unconscious for more than a minute so I must have just blacked out and not caught myself which resulted in a fall.

Great. Now I know what happened and how I ended up on the floor, but what has this done to my recovery progress?  Do I need to go to the hospital now?  Everyone is still sleeping, but Omi's alarm is going off.  Omi needs to get to school. Tracy didn't sleep last night either.  I have an appointment with the physical therapist today, can it wait until I see them?  I looked through my Elks Rehab book for guidance, there were no answers.  At 7:00 am, I ended up calling the doctor and leaving a message.  I am still waiting on a call back.  Once Naomi was up and out of her room, I could test my speech and cognitive abilities.  Indeed the bonk on the head this morning has brought back some symptoms that had gone away.  My speech was slow and slurred again, and I had difficulty finding words.  I woke Tracy up at 7:50 and explained what happened and asked him to stay home today and keep an eye on me.

I have been feeling so much better.  My regular speech had returned.  My thought processing was almost back to normal.  I have been able to follow recipes, words were coming to me easier again.  The fogginess was even decreasing.  I was really beginning to feel like I was coming out of the concussion and getting back to normal, even if I hadn't been symptom free for 24 hours yet; I was getting better.  Now this.  Between the insomnia and this new head bonk, I think this may be my time to "call it" on this year's Ride.  I originally decided to wait until I heard from the doctor next week, and I was totally at peace with whatever she decided to do.  I had already talked to Melissa at Fuller Center for Housing about the situation.  They had agreed that I could ride as support only or if need be, make the exception and allow me to ride next year using the same registration fees and the money I have raised this year.  Knowing I had options gave me a huge release of stress and I was able to focus on healing.  But I believe today is the day that *I* am calling it.  My sleep schedule is not back to normal.  So I am lacking rest and now the new bonk with symptoms returning.

While typing this, I realized I want to do this ride this year.  No, I am not going to go on the Spring Ride and ride my bike.  I can't do this summer's ride because my summer is already booked.  Instead, what I will do is ride 400 miles here this summer.  I will continue to raise money to reach my $2000 goal AND I'm going to plan for a ride around Idaho this summer.  I'm not entirely certain what it will look like yet; let's face it, I JUST bonked my head and symptoms have returned complete with  headache, so don't ask me to plan that right now.  But I WILL get this done, and there will be pictures to prove it!  *laugh*

Thank you for supporting me and for your continued prayers.  If you have not donated yet, but would like to help me reach my $2000 goal and help the residents of the Silver Valley Idaho Area have safe and decent housing, please click on the following link:  https://www.fullercenter.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?reset=1&id=176