What Was That Noise????

Where am I?  Why am I on the floor?   Wasn't I just on the couch?  Was I sleep walking?  Why does my head hurt and my ears ring?  Oh NO!!!!!!!!!

That sound was quite possibly me falling of the end of my rope and the final thud of my 400 mile bike ride dreams coming to a crash!  

In reality, the noise was my head banging on my living room floor as I blacked out/passed out and fell.  I was experiencing one of the symptoms of a concussion (insomnia).  I had only gotten maybe about 3 hours of sleep when I decided to get out of bed and stop fighting the insomnia.  I turned on the heating blanket and laid on the couch and watched some TV.  I got up to turn off the heating blanket.  The controls were on the floor.  I picked up the controller, looked at the clock and saw it was 6:00 AM and turned off the heating blanket.

Then I woke up to a loud noise and my living room shaking.  I awoke with a start and had no clue where I was.  I felt the floor beneath my arms and hands.  Had I had one of those crazy falling out of the sky dreams and fell off of my bed?  My head was hurting and my ears were ringing and my elbow was hurting.  I realized I must have hit my head. But how?  Was I sleep walking?  I thought I was on the couch; how did I get here?  Then it all came back to me.  I looked at the heating blanket controls; they were off.  I looked at the clock it still said 6:00 AM so I hadn't been unconscious for more than a minute so I must have just blacked out and not caught myself which resulted in a fall.

Great. Now I know what happened and how I ended up on the floor, but what has this done to my recovery progress?  Do I need to go to the hospital now?  Everyone is still sleeping, but Omi's alarm is going off.  Omi needs to get to school. Tracy didn't sleep last night either.  I have an appointment with the physical therapist today, can it wait until I see them?  I looked through my Elks Rehab book for guidance, there were no answers.  At 7:00 am, I ended up calling the doctor and leaving a message.  I am still waiting on a call back.  Once Naomi was up and out of her room, I could test my speech and cognitive abilities.  Indeed the bonk on the head this morning has brought back some symptoms that had gone away.  My speech was slow and slurred again, and I had difficulty finding words.  I woke Tracy up at 7:50 and explained what happened and asked him to stay home today and keep an eye on me.

I have been feeling so much better.  My regular speech had returned.  My thought processing was almost back to normal.  I have been able to follow recipes, words were coming to me easier again.  The fogginess was even decreasing.  I was really beginning to feel like I was coming out of the concussion and getting back to normal, even if I hadn't been symptom free for 24 hours yet; I was getting better.  Now this.  Between the insomnia and this new head bonk, I think this may be my time to "call it" on this year's Ride.  I originally decided to wait until I heard from the doctor next week, and I was totally at peace with whatever she decided to do.  I had already talked to Melissa at Fuller Center for Housing about the situation.  They had agreed that I could ride as support only or if need be, make the exception and allow me to ride next year using the same registration fees and the money I have raised this year.  Knowing I had options gave me a huge release of stress and I was able to focus on healing.  But I believe today is the day that *I* am calling it.  My sleep schedule is not back to normal.  So I am lacking rest and now the new bonk with symptoms returning.

While typing this, I realized I want to do this ride this year.  No, I am not going to go on the Spring Ride and ride my bike.  I can't do this summer's ride because my summer is already booked.  Instead, what I will do is ride 400 miles here this summer.  I will continue to raise money to reach my $2000 goal AND I'm going to plan for a ride around Idaho this summer.  I'm not entirely certain what it will look like yet; let's face it, I JUST bonked my head and symptoms have returned complete with  headache, so don't ask me to plan that right now.  But I WILL get this done, and there will be pictures to prove it!  *laugh*

Thank you for supporting me and for your continued prayers.  If you have not donated yet, but would like to help me reach my $2000 goal and help the residents of the Silver Valley Idaho Area have safe and decent housing, please click on the following link:  https://www.fullercenter.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?reset=1&id=176

When you do THIS, does that make you dizzy?

Today was my last evaluation at the Elks Rehab Hearing and Balance Clinic.  When I went in, I was feeling great. I was like.."Wow!  Maybe I don't need all these therapies.  They are gonna test me today and find out that I am perfectly normal!"  Famous last words!

Dayna started asking me questions and just answering all of her questions made my brain hurt.  Then she had me turning my head fast and asking, "Does that make you dizzy/".  Oy vey!  I can't tell you how many times she gave me some action to perform either with just my eyes or my entire body with the question, "Does that make you dizzy?" to follow.

It kind of reminds me of when my kids would find something that had gone bad in the fridge and then ask their daddy, "Does this taste bad?"  Really, who wants to taste it and find out?  That is kind of the way I felt about these tests today.  Yes, I have told you I experience dizziness and things like that, do I really have to do these exercises to prove to you that I get dizzy?

Some of these tests were the same kinds of tests the doctor gave me yesterday and I had great balance yesterday.  But today they were just a bit different (I guess that is what happens when you get a specialist running the tests).  Anyway, I found out that my balance is not as great as I would like it to be and its a really good thing she positioned me in a corner to use walls to protect me from a fall cause, Wow!    I won't be belly dancing or doing Zumba any time soon, that's for certain!   Between the dizziness and the nausea, I was really glad I didn't eat before my appointment!

One of the things that was determined today is that when I bonked my head, I knocked loose the crystals in my inner ear that help regulate balance.  So today after much torture, we did a treatment to get the crystals to move back into place to stop the vertigo that I have been feeling.  Now that I have had the treatment, I am not allowed to lay down flat, bend over or look/reach up.  Which means no laundry, no dishes, no feeding the animals..whatever.  I can lay down flat tonight when I go to bed, but until then, NOPE.  When I am doing my 30 minutes of nothing, I can sit in the recliner but only at 45 degree angles.   This is gonna be fun!

Ya know as bad as these doctors and therapists get me to feel, they then follow up with a very sympathetic look and say, "This will end.  You WILL recovery."  I know this is true, but wow, during these tests they sure can make a person feel icky!

Okay.  Time to get 30 minutes of nothing in and rest my head.  Thanks for reading and supporting me on this journey!

Welcome To The Brain Injury Clinic!

This week is THE week!  Yesterday, I went to my first evaluation at the Elks Brain Injury Clinic where I met with the Speech Pathologist and had to take a memory test which was quite painful.  I used to say things like, "Don't make me think, it makes my brain hurt."  I had no idea that THAT was possible until yesterday.  She would have me play this memory game and it literally made my brain hurt.  She also gave me the worst news I have heard since the injury.  She told me I would likely be unable even attend the Spring Ride as support.  She said that the travel alone would be too stimulating for my brain. She even questioned my trip to Florida.  After the amazing time I had with her, they then sent me to see Greg, my social worker for my experience through the clinic.  He gave me the wonderful news that not only am I not allowed to drink alcohol (which I haven't done since I bumped my head) but I also need to abstain from caffeine.  First, no Spring Ride, then no caffeine. Ya, this visit kept getting better!

By the time we were done with both visits, my brain was exhausted.  On the drive home I alternated between rage, disappointment and tears.  What was I going to do about the Spring Ride.  What was I going to do about my trip to Florida.  What about the money I paid for airline tickets?  You can argue that they can just be used as credits for other trips, but one of the airlines I have scheduled I NEVER fly on and don't see using.  They do not fly out of Boise.  My anger kept building (which is not good for the head).

I was blaming myself for the accident.  Blaming myself for wasted money (the airline tickets).  Blaming myself for spending money on supplies for a trip that I won't be able to take.  Feeling guilty for asking people to donate for a ride that, according to the therapists I saw yesterday) I would not be able to even do support for, much less ride.  I was pissed.  Eventually, I just cried.  I have amazing friends who gave me wonderful support after my vent/rant on Facebook about how I felt.

Yes,  the money is still going to a charity I believe in and no my friends do not feel cheated.  Yes, I can still see if I can use this money for a different ride for possibly next year.  The most important thing is my recovery.  I need to forgive myself.  Okay.  Done.

I woke up today feeling more like myself in more ways than 1.  I am feeling optimistic again. I feel like the Spring Ride is still possibly in the support capacity.  I am not going to push it.  I am going to listen to my doctors, but I deep down inside, I feel like it is still possible.  I am releasing my attachment to it and know that the right thing will be don

Today, I had my appointment with the special "head" doctor.  She is the doctor who oversees the Brain Injury Clinic. There is some special name for what she is (but I can't pronounce it or spell it) but basically she is a doctor of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation specializing in injuries that keep people from living normal lives and her "love" is brain injuries.   AND she is a commuter cyclist and understands my passion for cycling and my desire to make this ride in such a beautiful part of the country and for a charity I believe in!  YES!!!  She did say that I will not be able to ride, but she is still holding out hope for me going to the Ride as support!  Her outlook was much more optimistic than the therapists. She is also changing my meds; no more narcotics for me as they inhibit the healing process.  She is also giving me a new medication to help with my sleep and headaches.  She has also told me to get out there walking 15 minutes a day..light easy walk.  She is also getting me into a different therapist for my neck as she agrees with me that my whiplash symptoms are part of the problem and prevent me from healing.   So now I will be seeing a Speech Pathologist for my cognitive thinking, the hearing and balance therapist for the dizziness and muscle coordination, and the manual therapist to release my tight muscles and getting my neck moving properly, as well as her!  Wow.  I have never seen so many doctors for 1"little" injury.  This brain thing is kinda complicated!

Anyway, it's been a great day.  I feel so much better about things.  I have schedule I have to adhere to.  2 hours of brain activity followed by 30 minutes of NOTHING (no brain stimulation)..which really means I need to finish this blog and get off the computer. I need to follow these rules so my brain will heal quickly and I have better chances of making that ride :).

Grateful for such amazing care at the Elks Rehab Center!  Grateful to my friends who made sure I went to the doctor when I was so hesitant to go in the first place.  Grateful for the love and support of my friends out there on the computer and for my family here in my home!  I AM healing!

Getting Closer...Getting Excited!!!!

Fuller Center for Housing Spring Ride is less than a month away now...27 more days!!!

Concussion Update:

I have appointments with the Elks Rehab Facility, the Hearing and Balance Center, and the special head doctor on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of this week.  All of these appointments are initial evaluations to see if/how they can help me recover from the concussion.  After the evaluations, they will put all of their notes together to make a plan of action and THEN call me to make appointments for actual treatments.  This has not been the quickest of situations.  And this process of getting appointments is almost more painful than the actual injury.  At least I am getting it done and have the appointments made now; its forward progress!

I also had a very dear friend send me her thoughts on the concussion situation.  All along, I have been saying, "I HAVE a concussion"  "I am headachy..foggy..insert symptom here".  I have also been looking at this as an experience, journey and lesson to be learned and thinking positively. However, by using the words "I have" or "I am", I am taking ownership of the injury; which is not something I want to own.  I will however own the journey and the experience of healing; which is really more of what I feel anyway.  The way we use our words is a powerful, and I am grateful to my lovely friend Rachel for catching this and pointing it out for me.  So for now on, I will focus on how I use my words regarding this concussion I am experiencing.


The concussion symptoms are getting better every day.  I spent most of last week laying on my couch and watching TV.  This sitting around was me "giving in" and "letting go", but the day time TV shows were slowly killing my soul. *laugh*  I don't know how many talk shows, cooking shows and soap operas I can stand.  I did get some extra sleep.  I also experienced insomnia this week which lead to a silly mid night movie creation.  The headaches have decreased.  I have been able to drive a little bit here and there, but I am best suited for driving first thing in the morning.  By the evening, I start to feel tired and the headlights of cars or back blinkers start to bother my eyes (rather, my brain right behind my eyes start to hurt. It feels like a bruise right behind my eye balls and someone keeps touching the bruise and asking, "Does that hurt when I touch it?")  Talking on the phone is still a challenge.  I went into the post office to use the machine to purchase stamps and I experienced confusion like a child who didn't know how to read or someone with English as a second language who doesn't quite understand what the directions they are supposed to follow.  Looking for words to speak can be a bit of a challenge and finding names in my memory bank can sometimes pull a blank.  However, I have had moments of great energy and lots of smiling and feeling great.  I have had more of the great moments this week than I have since the injuring occurred. I'm getting better and I fully expect miracles to happen!

I am also giving up on day time TV. Since being positive and happy is the best way to help my body heal while I am resting and I feel  like day time TV is slowly killing my soul (and brain cells) I have decided to watch inspiring documentaries. My amazing friend, Kurt, suggested a few cycling movies and with that I found so  many other documentaries to watch. These movies inspire me and make me smile and make me want to live a full life and dream!  If you are going to be stuck watching TV while you heal, its important to use that time wisely and watch what you are putting into your brain.  Drama from TV...or something inspiring.  C'mon, even experiencing a concussion, I know that's a no-brainer!  I'm thoroughly enjoying those flicks!

I also have some GREAT news!  I purchased a duffel bag that fit the maximum dimensions allowed for packing for the Spring Ride.  I also purchased a 3rd pair of cycling shorts and another portable battery charger for my phone.  I use my phone for my GPS so I need to have 8 hours of battery life while riding in the Spring Ride.  Currently, with the extra pack I already had, I only had 6 hours.  So my new one has 4 hours and it attaches to  my phone like a case with no extra wires!  SWEET!  So now I will have 10 hours of battery life; that should get me through a day of riding!  

My new purchases arrived today and I did a trial run for packing again. Remember, I need to pack for my trip to Florida as well as the bike ride.  So today I used the packing list for the ride and packed my bag. It fits EVERYTHING!!! My 2 pairs of shoes (I'll wear my flip flops on the plane), my helmet, my jerseys, a towel, a pillow case (I will use clothes in my pillow case for my pillow at night), my biking helmet, sweaters, rain gear, toiletries... EVERYTHING and I STILL HAVE ROOM!!!  SWEET!  I feel like an expert packer at this point!

I also received a new fundraising report this week. I'm very excited and grateful for everyone who has donated so far. With your help, I have raised $1,140!!!  My big goal is $2000.  Even with this concussion I am experiencing (and you all are watching me go through), you are still sending in money!  That means more to me than you will ever know.  I cry with gratitude every time I think about it.  I knew that I would be able to reach my $750 minimum requirement which is why I set a bigger goal of $2000.  However, the way this money is coming in is in no way the WAY I had envisioned it.  I have been very surprised by this fundraising experience and have learned that blessings come from unexpected places.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for believing and supporting such an amazing cause!  You all are truly lights in this world!  Thank you!!!!

If you have yet to donate, or by some chance, this is the first time you have read my blog or heard about this, please follow this link and check it out.  Any amount of money you donate (even just $1)  will help provide someone with safer housing!  Become someone's hero today, donate!  

https://www.fullercenter.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?reset=1&id=176

Training with a concussion....

You might be wondering how my training is going while I have a concussion.  Well the answer to that is....packing!

First an update on my concussion.  It was 2 weeks ago today that I took that fateful bike ride and scrambled my brains.  I have learned a lot about concussions in the last 2 weeks.

• Some concussions you can get over in a couple of days, and some can take months.
• No matter how tough you are and no matter what you are training for, you can not plow your way through a concussion.  YOU HAVE TO REST!  (this is a very hard one for me)
• I found some great on line sites for concussion information with some great guidelines on how to recover and help yourself heal.  (Not that I listen to them all.)  One of the things it says to do is to stay away from the computer.  Umm...ya..about that.  But when I feel my head getting worse, I do close my laptop for a while and rest my eyes/brain.  Also, when it comes to getting back into the exercise saddle, you need to be at least 24 hour symptom free, but if symptoms come back you stop immediately and wait for another 24 hour symptom free time frame before you can begin again.  (This has yet to happen for me and I'm on my 15th day of scrambled brains).
• One should NOT make major decisions during a concussion (banking, business, flight schedules).  Ya, I just hope my flights I scheduled last Monday on day 7 of my concussion work out okay.
• Most importantly, I have AMAZING FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!!  They have been very supportive, including my friend Kurt (who is also doing the Spring Ride) threatening to deflate my tires if he sees  on my bike.  A little tough love is good for the soul, right?

So back to my training.  How do I train for a 400 mile bike ride if I can't ride my bike?  Well there are other factors to consider.  I am a woman, and I do have a 2 week trip planned.  Not only am I doing the bike ride, but I am also piggy backing a trip to Florida to see my kids after the bike ride.  Packing must be done to perfection.  What does that mean?  I have a size limit for the bag I can pack for the bike ride.   I have a 4500 cubic inch maximum!  YIPES!  So, until further notice, my training will consist of getting my packing down perfectly!  There is the other consideration: shipping the clothes I need for Florida to Florida instead of putting them in my bag for the Bike Ride.  *laugh*  We shall see.  For now, here is a picture of this most important training process:

This is my bag fully packed for 2 weeks of travel (bike and Florida) with my helmet, biking shoes, and hydration pack.  It was entirely too big.  6,384 cubic inches

This is my bag minus that gear (since I will be wearing it while I ride and shouldn't be considered in size when shoving it into a van.  Still too big at 6,048 cubic inches.

Seriously, I don't have THAT much in here.  I have flip flops, running shoes, 4 pairs of biking shorts, 4 biking jerseys, shorts and tank (to double as pjs on the ride), 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of light hiking capris (wondering if I can take out the jeans and wear the capris to the "church" they told us to pack the jeans for), 3 light weight traveling skirts (again, can I get ride of the jeans..I'm not gonna wear them in Florida), swim suit (for Florida),  probably too many sports bras/panties, probably too may pairs of socks (but they are small), tank/camisoles (they are small don't take up much room) some light weight exercise shorts, shirt, jacket (which will probably end up going away) to run in while in Florida and light weight shrugs for Florida.  *sigh*    This part of my training may take me a month to perfect!  I know there are ways to pack smaller.  I can do this!

While writing this blog, I got a phone call from the social worker at the Elks Brain Injury Clinic.  Due to my symptoms: headaches, nausea, fogginess, and cognitive abilities, he says I am a candidate for the program.  That's good news.  The bad news which has me in tears right now is that he says that I will likely be unable to ride the 400 miles in Spring.  My heart is breaking.  I told him I have raised over $1000 for this ride and I am not NOT going.  He told me to look up something (which I can't remember now) about getting back to play after a concussion.  I told him about what I read about 24hr symptom free before getting back to it.  He said, "Yes, and then you have work up to where you were.  Riding 400 miles in a months time frame is not 'working up to it'."  I am still going.  I may not be able to ride the entire 400 miles on my bike, but I am still going.  Even if I can only ride a little each day.  Even if I can't ride at all, I am still going.  My heart is breaking right now.  But I'm still going.

I told the social worker that I am hoping for a miracle.  So, for all of my praying friends, please pray for a miracle!  I want more than anything to ride this 400 miles!  Please keep me in your thoughts and send all the positive healing vibes you can this direction.  Thank you!

And if you haven't yet donated to help the Fuller Center for Housing end Poverty Housing, please click on the link below and donate to my ride. I'm going.  The tickets have been purchased.  There is no turning back.  I am going!  Thank you!  This ride is about so much more than me; its about helping those in need.  It's about helping them to live in a safe and warm home, and they need all the help you can possibly give.  Thank you for supporting them!

https://www.fullercenter.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?reset=1&id=176